Accordions
Accordion One
This is an accordion of anecdotes which are stored externally in a Json file.
A Man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. The man says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. The doctor says "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." The man bursts into tears. He says "But, doctor......I am Pagliacci."
Nicolo Paganini was a well-known and gifted nineteenth-century violinist. He was also well known as a great showman with a quick sense of humor. His most memorable concert was in Italy with a full orchestra. He was performing before a packed house and his technique was incredible, his tone was fantastic, and his audience dearly loved him. Toward the end of his concert, Paganini was astounding his audience with an unbelievable composition when suddenly one string on his violin snapped and hung limply from his instrument. Paganini frowned briefly, shook his head, and continued to play, improvising beautifully. Then, to everyone's surprise, a second string broke. And shortly thereafter, a third. Almost like a slapstick comedy, Paganini stood there with three strings dangling from his Stradivarius. But instead of leaving the stage, Paganini stood his ground and calmly completed the difficult number on the one remaining string.
History abounds with tales of experts who were convinced that the ideas, plans, and projects of others could never be achieved. However, accomplishment came to those who said, 'I can make it happen.' The Italian sculptor Agostino d'Antonio worked diligently on a large piece of marble. Unable to produce his desired masterpiece, he lamented, 'I can do nothing with it.' Other sculptors also worked this difficult piece of marble, but to no avail. Michelangelo discovered the stone and visualized the possibilities in it. His 'I-can-make-it-happen' attitude resulted in one of the world's masterpieces - David.
One of the first steps to accomplishing great things in your life is to cease dwelling on the negative things in your past. Carefully assess your present strengths, successes, and achievements. Dwell on those positive events in your life, and quit limiting your potential by constantly thinking about what you have done poorly. Alice and the Mad Hatter in Wonderland had a conversation that illustrates this concept: Alice: Where I come from, people study what they are not good at in order to be able to do what they are good at. Mad Hatter: We only go around in circles in Wonderland, but we always end up where we started. Would you mind explaining yourself? Alice: Well, grown-ups tell us to find out what we did wrong, and never do it again Mad Hatter: That's odd! It seems to me that in order to find out about something, you have to study it. And when you study it, you should become better at it. Why should you want to become better at something and then never do it again? But please continue. Alice: Nobody ever tells us to study the right things we do. We're only supposed to learn from the wrong things. But we are permitted to study the right things other people do. And sometimes we're even told to copy them. Mad Hatter: That's cheating! Alice: You're quite right, Mr. Hatter. I do live in a topsy-turvy world. It seems like I have to do something wrong first, in order to learn from what not to do. And then, by not doing what I'm not supposed to do, perhaps I'll be right. But I'd rather be right the first time, wouldn't you?
Napoleon was involved in a conversation with a colonel of a Hungarian battalion who had been taken prisoner in Italy. The colonel mentioned he had fought in the army of Maria Theresa. 'You must have a few years under your belt!' exclaimed Napoleon. I'm sure I've lived sixty or seventy years, replied the colonel. You mean to say, Napoleon continued, you have not kept track of the years you have lived? The colonel promptly replied, 'Sir, I always count my money, my shirts, and my horses - but as for my years, I know nobody who wants to steal them, and I shall surely never lose them.'
Accordion Two
Here is a second accordion with items embedded in the code
Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
Die, n. The singular of “dice.” We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, “Never say die.” At long intervals, however, some one says: “The die is cast,” which is not true, for it is cut. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew: A cube of cheese no larger than a die May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie.
Cat, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations, takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The Cat is a survival—an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase an idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.
"Humanity is divided into three parts:
- 1.Those who make things happen
- 2. Those who watch things happen and
- 3. Those who don't know what's happening."
Text Card
A class-room teacher asks her students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.” The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”